I have anxiety issues

It is currently 11:50am and I should be at a rehearsal for the solo I’ve been given, for Christmas, in ten minutes. Unfortunately, my car won’t start. 

Whilst sat in my car, turning the key over in the ignition, only to hear the moans and groans of a frozen battery, I couldn’t help but laugh a little bit. This situation would usually be a dream. A gift from God. An excuse to give whoever I happened to be meeting to get out of meeting them. Ah yes. My anxiety. I usually get anxious when I have a list of things to accomplish and, at the same time, a yearning to stay at home and do nothing. It’s a little more complex than that, but you get the point. In the past I would have made up a lie like “my car won’t start” or, “this last minute group project has come up and I can’t get out of their stupid meeting time” to avoid work, social events, church events…did I mention work? Then today happened. I was truly excited about getting to my rehearsal on time and going to drop in to hang out with M and K.. aaaaaaand my car won’t start. What a pain.

So now I’ve come back inside to do the only thing I can do when my anxiety is this high. Write. 

Lately I’ve been thinking hard about what I want to do with my life. I thought teaching was where I wanted to be, and maybe teaching at a higher level than grade school is the answer, but writing holds my heart. I’m not sure where to start but my first thought is to find a job, any job, that involves writing. I don’t care if it’s minute taking, technical writing, freelance journalism, editing students papers, being a TA, whatever. If it gets me into either a university setting, or a permanent writing gig, I’m down. 

In the meantime, my anxiety is now at an all time high and I’m frustrated because this week was going to be an awesome one. Now I feel like crap. Eff.



3 thoughts on “I have anxiety issues

  1. Chin up, love! While I can’t relate to anxiety…unless that’s what you call it when you panic every time you have a test or something major and when you can’t deal with life anymore to the point where you just sit and cry… I can tell you that this week will be good! Yoga and Catching Fire on Thursday with your best friend — what could be better? ❤

  2. I’ve had the same problems come up lately (minus the car thing – I hope it was an easy fix for you!). I’m sorry to hear about your anxiety; I know how hard it can be 😦 The first thing I can recommend is to cut out caffeine, and drink more herbal teas and water. It’ll help keep the highs and lows to a minimum.

    Whatever you decide, writing or teaching (and why not do both!), I’m sure it will be the best for you 🙂 Don’t let anyone else tell you what would be best, because I can tell you that’s a horrible place to be. I hope this anxiety goes away!

    1. Thanks for your kind words girl. It’s tough to talk about something that seems so easy to fix, but that can be the most difficult thing to confront and get over. I’m sure I’ll end up doing something to do with writing.. I would just hate to be 35 and look at my life and say ‘what the eff did I do wrong?’ Hopefully things clear up in the next little while. I’m just charging through to Christmas at this point!

      Hope you’re well xx

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