That horrible moment when you realize you haven’t written a post on your blog for over a month.
I miss writing so much. I’ve sat down to write many times and have 10 very rough draft posts. I have some ideas for poems – but I’ll wait to unleash them until I start my poetry class in January. Lately I’ve just been so lazy. I wrote a six page essay talking about the layers of history in two poems for my American Literature class a couple weeks ago – after submitting it I realized I had effed up the title and misspelled one of the words. IN THE TITLE. What a mess. Since then I’ve kind of given up on school (not really). For next summer, I’m looking for a job at a magazine, or with a publishing house, as an editing intern. Anything that keeps me writing all summer would be prime.
Personal I’ve been spending a lot of time with A and B recently. Since A’s mum has been away, we’ve just bonded and enjoyed each others company. A brought another A into our little group and she’s wonderful, a little awkward — but wonderful. I had a little shindig for Halloween and while it went really well, something seemed off. Our group isn’t as tight as it once was and I’m afraid that as time goes by we’re all going to start getting pissy at each other. N and K had a celebration for K’s birthday and didn’t invite us, which was weird. B and I are kind of frustrated, and to be honest, my feelings are sort of hurt over it. There is never a time when I don’t invite all of my friends to come and be together, so when I find out that my friends organize events and don’t include me it’s a slap in the face — am I wrong? Trying to rebuild a friendship is tough. Once you’ve been screwed over it’s tricky to trust that person again. I’m not sure what will happen, but hopefully it’ll blow over and we can all just learn to be more considerate of each other.
My anxiety has been super high lately. Lots of what I have going on is getting me stressed. If I’m not at school, I’m working. If I’m not working, I’m volunteering. Then I have rehearsals for Sundays and Christmas. I teach Jr. High Class. I also have friends, and my mum in one house and my dad in another. My man keeps me grounded, but it’s hard to talk about such depressing things sometimes. I don’t want to be a downer, so I keep things to myself and then they build up and the ground is swallowing me and even though nothing bad is happening I feel like I can’t breath and I’m suffocating all because of how exciting life is… Because I just can’t cope with too many things at once. Does anyone else feel this way?
BooksI can’t believe how good this month was for me and books. I read Doctor’s Sleep which was pretty fantastic, started reading Dante’s Inferno and Sula by Toni Morrison (for my Am. Lit. Class). The rundown from now until Christmas will be so busy for reading so I’m getting a head start. Speaking of which I should go and read for my class tomorrow morning as it’s already 11pm and I’m exhausted.
I’m sorry I’m not around much – I’ll try to post more than once a month from now on!
My life is not going how I want. I’ve been living by the rules of everyone else and not pleasing myself, which is, I realize now, a fucking huge mistake. I’m going to revamp my life in this month before school.
My plan is to spend the mornings working on my body. Workouts, nourishment, getting things the way I want them again. Second, I’m going to work on my mind. I’ll spend some time analyzing my thoughts, relaxing, meditating. Lastly, I’m going to work on my relationships with those around me. I’ll reconnect with God, my true Father, who never leaves and always walks beside me. I want to build a stronger relationship with my Mum – It would be nice to let my guard down once in a while at home.
Mostly this will be about myself. I’m realizing that having a place where I can be completely myself is lovely 🙂 I hope to look back in a year and see the progress in myself – hopefully I’ll be happier and healthier.
SIDENOTE: Bare with me as I finish my next book and review it. It has been tricky to start a new book after Me before You – that book has stuck in my head and slowly become part of me.
I can’t believe some people. I have a ‘friend’, lets call her Baychel, who is having a birthday soon. This girl is leaving Calgary at the end of the year and will not have another birthday here with her so-called best friends. The bitch decided to message us asking if we were free the night she was planning to have her party. After we said the timings were a little off and asked if she could move her party a few hours later she said, and I quote, “I want at least one birthday in this city to go well and not fall apart at the seams so I’m sticking to my plan!” To which I replied, “Without [insert bff name here]?” THEN… here’s the kicker folks, Baychel replies, “…I guess I can’t do anything about it…”
WAAAAOOOOW…. whuuuut? YOUR BEST FRIEND CAN’T MAKE IT TO YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY AND YOU IGNORE THAT FACT AND DECIDE TO GO AHEAD WITH YOUR DINNER ANYWAY.
… bitch, you don’t have that many friends to piss off…
UGH – I’m really sorry to rant, but what the hell? Who does that!? Typical Baychel…heh
Hoping you’re all having a wonderful evening 🙂 Here’s what I really wanted to talk about!
Books I’m looking forward to reading…
There are quite a few books coming out in the near future that I’m getting excited for. I’d like to write them down with their release dates so that I don’t forget to pick them up when the time comes!
1. ‘Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy‘ by Helen Fielding (October 15, 2013)
2. ‘The Signature of All Things‘ by Elizabeth Gilbert (October 1, 2013)
I also want to list some titles that I’m looking forward to reading when I have some free time – basically as soon as school starts!
1. Peter Pan – JM Barrie
2. A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
3. Me Before You – Jojo Moyes
4. Mary Poppins – PL Travers
5. Casual Vacancy – JK Rowling
6. The Cuckoo’s Calling – Robert Galbraith
I’ll be starting to post reviews and such when I finish a book. Finally. Its been too long.
Books after Harry Potter, Twilight, and The Hunger Games.
A friend of mine recently posted a quote by Cornelia Funke, an author whose books I have struggled to get into, that truly expresses the difference between a book and a loved book. Loved books are thick and have bent backs, ripped pages, and tear stains on the chapter where your favourite character dies. No matter how many times I explore the pages of my beloved novels, I’m still shocked every time Fred dies after fighting alongside his friends and family at Hogwarts. I still feel a wave of sadness when I think of the chapters that are labelled with the months that Bella lives without Edward. And when Peeta realizes that Katniss’ love is the truth. All of these moments were so beautifully written that they stick in my mind like a moment of my own past that I have truly experienced. Mark Twain once said that “the difference between the ‘right word’ and the ‘almost right word’ is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.” What makes a great book? How does an author give life to the words typed out on brown paper?
I’m trying to figure out how another series of books could possibly grab my attention after growing up at the same pace as Harry Potter, and agonizing over the disappearance of Edward with Bella, and reading too much into the Hunger Games by drawing similarities between the Districts of Panem and real life.
Right now I’m reading Shadow of Night, a sequel to A Discovery of Witches, which has only gained about 5% of my attention. I read the first one over the course of a year and the second one has been going for about a month now and I MIGHT be 100 pages into it… To put this in perspective (so you all don’t think I’m just a shitty reader) I finished Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse in 9 days; HP: Deathly Hallows in 3 days; The three Hunger Games books in 6 days; and (guilty pleasure time) Fifty Shades trilogy in just over two weeks. Me = not slow … 90% of books out there = shit.
What separates the shit from the not-so-shit?